Monday, November 15, 2010

:D Jokes-Jokes :D

Top 10 Blond Jokes xD
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.

The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."

The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But the blonde insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."

Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."

The blonde replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

A blonde was driving down the road listening to the radio and was quite upset when she heard blonde joke after blonde joke. A little way down the road, she saw another blonde out in a field rowing a boat. The blonde stopped her car and angrily jumped out yelling,
"You dumb blonde bimbo! It's blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,
"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks.

The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,
"I think they could be bird tracks."

The second blonde went to look and said,
"No, I think these are deer tracks."

They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:

"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin,
"For best results, put on two coats".

A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,
"Where did you get that?"
The pig replied,
"I won her in a raffle!"

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?

Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!

Mike Britt Jokes xD

Safe Sex Site

I tried to go on the Internet. I figured, you gotta be safe there, can't run into any problems on the Internet. I went on one of them sex sites, you know; I wanna see what the big deal is. I went to 'cause that's what I like. The chick was sitting there with the icon, you know, right by her stuff. It was like, 'You wanna see my wet kitty? Click here.' So, I wanna see the kitty. But I'm about to open it up, and my friend was like, 'No, don't open it up! She might have a virus!' I was like, 'Damn. Here, too?'

Sports Announcers

I hate sports announcers. Let me tell you why: they never let the past die. They always got to bring up something. You could be at your highest moment in sports, but they're just like women -- they'll bring up something from years ago that has nothing to do with right now.

The Difference in Cheating

You wanna know the difference between a man and a woman cheating? I'm gonna tell you -- planning. She ain't decide to sleep with him today. They've been working on this for a while. They call all the chicks involved in one place. They got chalk boards up, assignments, handouts, walkie talkies. They on the Internet, That's gonna go over smooth. Guys, what do we do? We go ahead and do the dirt, then pray everything fall into place as we go along.

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